Helz-Design

Postnuptial


I love reading. I wouldn’t say that I read everything. That would be a bit too much.
My favorite books are mystery stories and thrillers. I like the tension.

Recently I find myself reading more and more specialist books.
After having been to the local library I found a book on PHP4 on my desk. I am really looking forward.

Kind of reminiscence to my college years, for some years I have been a psychology minor, and my mind was wide open for women’s lib ideas, I am searching for books with sociological and psychological background.

I brought more than a handful back home.

Started reading one yesterday. It is written in German. I am providing some quotes from the book, which I will quote originally in German but will translate them to English (which won’t be the best, I apologize).
The book is promoted by the German woman’s journal “Brigitte. The Author used to work there.

Vera Sandberg: Frauen nach der Paarungszeit: Warum wir jetzt viel wollen und Männer so wenig bieten .
(Women postnuptial: Why we now want so much, and men offer so few)

I really don’t want to write a review on this book. It is in German so it would be unfair to the English speaking reader. It has some very interesting thoughts so far, although I just made it up to page 35 last night.
Yet there are a few sentences, which are worthwhile to be discussed.

According to blurb the book is for women 50+. My observance is: single-women after having managed first marriage and divorce, children are grown up, what’s coming now?
Finding love in the middle of life? It should be possible,

I like the message:

„Jetzt haben Frauen Zeit und Muße für ein Frauenleben aus dem Vollen. Auch ohne knackig-straffen Körper mit Idealmaßen. Was Frauen jetzt brauchen, ist das Gefühl, ganz Frau zu sein. Die Mär von der Tarnkappe, die Frauen dieses Alters unsichtbar macht, ist von gestern.“

quote page 13

Translation:

”Now women have time and leisure to live a woman’s life at its full-th. Even without a luscious and firm body with ideal measurements. Women just need the feeling to be a full woman. The tale about the magic hood, which lets women at a certain age disappear, is obsolete.”

Less nice:

„Es ist noch (fast) alles drin für uns. Bleibt schlank und neugierig, dann klappt es auch mit der Liebe.“

quote page 15

Translation:

„Nearly anything goes. Stay slender (skinny) and curious, than you will find love“

A critic by Waldlauferin at amazon.de

„Der Inhalt ist jedoch nicht neu: frau möge sich fit und sexy halten, modisch kleiden, zu einem guten Friseur gehen, ein heiteres Gemüt bewahren und selbst aktiv auf Partnersuche gehen, dann kann sie irgendwann eine Nicht-Niete aus dem Topf der verfügbaren Single-Männer angeln. Höher sollte sie ihre Erwartungen auf keinen Fall schrauben.“

Translation:

„Content is not new: woman has to stay fit and sexy, dress herself stylish, have a good hairdresser, be of serene mind and be active on her own in dating – then she might be lucky to get a non-fail from the pot of the available single guys in her age. Don’t have higher expectations.“

As I mentioned before, I just read a couple of pages. Don’t want to discuss about the book, there are something more essentially in it.

Women, who made it pass the – lets say – 35 are no longer really young, that’s fact. We have experienced a lot so far, some of us have children, we have lived in relationships, we have managed relationships. Sometimes our life has been like a ship in the storm.

This is great. This is how to live a life, and this is the fun in living.
But I doubt it, that non of this moments should be allowed to leave their marks on us.
Do we really have to be slender and skinny, to be adorable and sexy?
And can we really just expect the “non-fail”?

Deep down inside I hope it is not this way. It would be scorning not only for women, but for men as well.

Television and journals try their best to make us believe it is different.
And I am not talking about these “Idol” and “Model” stuff.

Sometimes I come across double thinking.
We are somehow younger than our mothers and grandmothers same age. We feel younger, much younger.
40 are the new 20, they say.

On the other hand women’s journal try to tell us what is possible at a certain age and what not.
Usually they stick to style.
You should look young but not youthful.
Don’t dare to be in competition with your daughter.

Who is really inventing this nonsense?
Who says that only a certain style is appropriate for a certain age?
Isn’t this the century where anything goes?
Do we really have to obey fashion dictates?

Or is it more about, that men might not like us.
Maybe men in a certain age, having lived a life on their own, are afraid of young and strong women?

Do we really have to deal with those fears? I think not.

I am what I am, not because I wanted men to like me.
I think, the older we get, the more experience, the more we are individuals.
This individuality makes us unique and adorable.

A short side note:
Women’s journal just report about successful women with good jobs.
In Germany many women are single moms and the risk for single moms living in poverty is much higher than for mothers with a partner.

What do you think?
Tell me about it!

lovehelz

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