Appropriate Behaviour? – 3 – END
She checked her e-mails, just to figure out that he had checked them very carefully. He must have used the search function to check every account, every folder, then forwarded those of importance to him. She still didn’t know why he logged into her computer while she was away. But she knew he wouldn’t tell her, as usual. She should know it all of her own. Start to think. He kept telling her to start to think, denying that she was thinking all the time, always worrying, always checking, always trying act appropriately. She hardly remembered that their life had once been different. She even didn’t realize the change. All of a sudden, that’s how it appeared to her, it changed. His feelings towards her. Then he started to torture her, for her own sake, to help her develop spiritually. Brian considered it necessary.
The next morning she found his marriage ring on her plate. She knew it was over. All over. But what should she do? She didn’t know.
Brian stopped talking to her! She was of no existence for him. He took the food she cooked but he refused having his meals together with her and Timmy.
When he looked into her direction he pretends not to see her. He just looked through her. No doubt, he did not only ignore her. It seemed as if she had died in his eyes.
She started leaving little notes to him. He took no notice of them.
He did not care about her feelings, of her cry for help, of her aim to get in touch with him.
This was the situation which has led the tow so far. He always refused to talk to her about her feelings, about her problems. He considered them as being no real problems. “Come back to me when you are able to name the real problem,” he demanded. Again, he defined the way she had to feel, to think, to judge.
Yearning for understanding she got in touch with her friend writing those e-mails, which now let to the splitting.
She felt hopeless. More than hopeless. She wasn’t able to cry anymore but still couldn’t stop it. Brian has not talk to her for more than a week now. Even Timmy was suffering due to this situation. Last night he asked Brian: “Daddy why don’t you talk to Mommy? I don’t like it this way!”
“Timmy, your mom doesn’t want me to talk about it to you!” Brian explained smirking. “But I will explain it to you! This is the way Daddy treats traitors.”
She cried desperately that night. She cried her soul out of her body. She really didn’t know what to do. Brian considered her to be a traitor. She found herself in the middle of the night in his office, holding his knees, pledging: “Brian, forgive me. I never meant to do you any harm. Please Brian please!” She banged her head on the floor — several times, folding her hands as if she was going to pray and pleading Brian’s forgiveness but Brian just ignored her.
She knew she didn’t do anything harmful. Only making her mind up. Brian claimed that they weren’t bolstering each other, which she couldn’t believe. So she had to ask her friends who encouraged her in her point of view. But Brian never believed that she never discredit him. He got his point of view, and that was everything which counted in Brian’s eyes.
She didn’t know how to go on. Now she was standing at the bus stop. She got the feeling that she was of no earthly use, neither for Brian, neither for Timmy and most of all, neither for herself.
It was so easy!
a jump …
… the END!